Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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