so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
