Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
