were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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