Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
