it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
