Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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