The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
