conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize