I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
