We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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