Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
