i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
