What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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