We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
