ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
