I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
