wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
