Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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