im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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