You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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