I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
