My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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