I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
