You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
