Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
