I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
