Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize