i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
