I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
