nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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