Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
