My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
