And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
