when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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