she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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