I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
