i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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