Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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