No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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