carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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