In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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