HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
