I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
