so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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