I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
