I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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