We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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