i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
