did you get engaged???
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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