they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
