If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize