I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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