I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
