You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
pray to the hookup gods
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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