i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
