so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I need to calm my uterus...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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