It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dignity is for republicans.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
