I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
