I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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