the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize