ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
