I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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