white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
